Looking back on 2014 it feels nearly impossible to wrap my head around all that has happened. Really, as I started writing down all of the amazing encounters, new opportunities, and enormous blessings that I was so fortunate to experience this year, I found it hard to believe that any of this really happened. If you were to tell me that even a quarter of this would occur in the coming five years I would have laughed out loud, but the fact that all of it happened and in such a short span of time, well it’s nothing short of a miracle.
It’s not that I didn’t hustle for it. I’ve never worked like I did this year. Never. And trust me, I’ve worked hard for many years. But it was a different type of work. Less physical toil and keeping my chin up when things were hard and more steadily staying the course, facing my fears and actually asking for what I have always wanted.
This year I finally stopped waiting for the things that I’ve dreamt of to happen, or for the people that I’ve wanted to take notice, to notice, and instead put myself out there, took the risks and asked for what I wanted. It was nerve-wracking, terrifying, stomach churning, humiliating and oftentimes unbearably hard. But you know what? It was totally worth it.
Not because I got what I wanted or because things turned out in my favor, even though it was a wonderfully successful year, but because I faced many of those nagging fears that have haunted me for so long. Fears like…
Who do I think I am to try and create the life of my dreams? What if I put it all on the line and I fail miserably and everyone sees? What if I have nothing to offer, nothing to contribute, nothing of any value? What if I’ve been kidding myself all along and this is all that there is?
The voices of self doubt and negativity are still very real and seem to walk with me always, but slowly their deafening roar is beginning to fade.
Most days I wake up wondering how the hell I’m going to face another day of decisions that I feel unprepared to make, conversations that feel so far outside of my comfort zone and risks that seem beyond my ability to take. But each day I somehow make it through, thanks to the Floret team and my family, and little by little I’m learning to trust this path.
I’ve collected quotes and inspiring phrases for as far back as I can remember. My Mom used to write them in eyeliner on our bathroom mirror when I was a kid. They always seem to have a way of crossing my path at the perfect time, saying just what I need to hear in that moment in order to keep going. The following are what have been taped above my kitchen sink this year and are what have helped me to remember the truth even in the darkness and uncertainty.
“You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do? You should go do them.” ~ Lara Casey
“For heaven’s sake, let yourself really fail once in a while- not some tiny little mistakes here and there, but big, glaring, confidence-shaking, dark-night-of-the-soul-inducing failures. Understand that no one-especially folks who are truly successful-simply coasts from achievement to achievement. The most accomplished people in the world fail and fail big. That’s how they learn so much and grow so quickly and become so interesting and wise. In short, stop trying to be someone who will impress everyone else, and just focus on being and becoming fully, sincerely and passionately yourself.” ~ Michelle Obama
“Risk is the price you pay for opportunity.” ~ Tom Selleck
“It was not by my might but by my surrender that everything changed.” ~ Lara Casey
“The voices we listen to will determine the future we experience.” ~ Steven Furtick
Here’s a recap of 2014, in no particular order. I’ve included everything that felt like a true triumph to me. The little and the big, the personal and the professional.
Getting my very first book deal with Chronicle Books.
Doing my first out of state wedding with my dearest friend, Sue Prutting of White Magnolia Designs and demonstrating what is possible using only locally grown material. Many photos to come.
Getting to work with some amazing photographers including Heather Payne, Michele M. Waite and Joy Prouty .
Having features in numerous magazines and books including Gray, Taproot, Country Woman, Portrait, Seattle Bride, Fresh From the Field Wedding Flowers and Art Flowers.
Launching our brand new website this June.
Bringing my husband Chris home from his 9-5 job to work for Floret full-time.
Letting my daughter Elora move to the city and live with my Mom to attend high school after eight years of homeschooling.
Winning the 2014 Martha Stewart American Made award in the floral and event design category.
Meeting Martha Stewart in person. A twenty year dream in the making.
Writing an official business plan.
Getting my first business loan from a bank.
Visiting NYC for the first time and meeting so many inspiring people. Especially Jenya Tsibulskyi and the Putnam boys.
Doing my first radio interview.
Finally allowing myself to delegate much of the field work to our staff and instead focusing on bigger, scarier things.
Building six new greenhouses.
Growing lisianthus successfully.
Traveling without having any anxiety attacks. Something I never thought possible.
Speaking in front of 750 people, on stage, while standing next to Martha Stewart. Then sitting on a panel the next day with Martha, in front of 400 people and being interviewed by her.
Wearing a dress and heels for the first time since my wedding, 15 years ago.
Teaching five sold-out workshops here at our farm with attendees flying in from as far away as Brazil, England, northern Canada, Mexico and the east coast.
Being filmed for two entire days by the Martha Stewart crew. Can’t wait for you to see our mini movie!
Shooting four very special editorials that will debut in the coming year.
Launching a product line and online shop.
Giving my first keynote speech.
Seeing over 3,ooo bouquets created around the world with local flowers through The Seasonal Flower Alliance.
Getting to interview nearly all of my floral heroes through the Farmer and the Florist interview series.
Building a dream team here at Floret. In a nutshell, allowing myself to be supported and backed up.
Thank you for every ounce of goodness that you’ve brought to this space. Your enthusiastic comments, heartfelt emails, unwavering support and well wishes were felt and cherished. Every single day.
Here’s to making 2015 the richest year yet. Deeper, more meaningful, more authentic and even more magical than ever before!
Images by Joy Prouty of Wildflowers Photography.
Amy on
It is comforting to know that despite suffering with chronic self doubt and worth it is still possible to achieve a dream whatever that may be and hopefully in my own miniscule flower journey that is just beginning, that despite everyday, having those nagging thoughts seeping in that actually it just maybe possible. My only frustration I find is to learn in a practical way from workshops, costs so much money and makes it out of reach for many of us just trying to start which is when we need it. most. That is why it helps so much being able to refer to all your blogs. They are so invaluable. Thank you. x